One of the great things about my English classes are, from time to time, I get to grade the papers. This means I get to see how the students construct English sentences. This entry is not meant to be making fun of anyone. English is a hard language, and some of these errors reflect that. They are to be taken light heartedly for what they are: mistakes that even the educated make. Like when Damien asked a train conductor, “Are you a map?” in Japanese, instead of “Do you have a map?” Or the very common mistake of people learning Japanese and confusing the word for temple and toilet and walking into a place and asking “Where’s the temple?” The other category is just quirky things that the kids have said that I find funny. I have nothing but respect for the kids that actually try to learn English.
“It knows building that everyone is.”
“This is written a lot of picture.”
[For an interview test]
“This is going well. I will never forget you. I love you. [Shakes my hand] End.”
Q: Why do you want to be an office worker?
A: “I don’t like to go out.”
“I cool hair dressers.”
“Fourth, Thank You.”
Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
I want to be a ‘Hero.’ First, they are cool. Second, I can help many people. Third, they are very strong. Fourth they can fly. So, I want to be a ‘Hero.’
“Fourth, I like work. But I’m a not work.”
“I am going to watch TV a lot of future.”
“Hello Everyone. I am.”
“I hearby play bowling.”
“I promis to club hard.”
“And I am happyed.”
“I will go to bed next Sunday. Because I am very sleepy. I will sleep for a long time. And die.”
“Soccer is to watch very happy.”
“I will play soccer with my friend. So I will not study. But my mother will say, ‘Study.’ Because I am stupid.”
“I will go to the gland mother house.”
[One girl signs everything she gives me with this:]
“When your Not TRaining Someone Else is TRaining.”
“I was memories which I forgot.”
“But they aren’t important for me or my life. Because they aren’t fun memories.”
“I study English now!”
“Nao will be smile then.”
“Then I was cry very much. The End.”
“It name is Load of the Ring.”
“My hero is Andoryu. You are very cool!!”
[Sometimes for the kids I start to say the answer to a question to help prompt them.]
Me: Is English spoken in China? … Nnnooo
“I like to reak many books.”
“A book and I are good friends.”
“I want to meet many books in the future.”
[“Tako” is the name of one of my students, it is also Japanese for “octopus”]
“I am TAKO. I am a very great man. But I don’t eat ‘Tako.’ Andry, I am without eating. Andry, I died.”
“This book changed still my life.”
“It is mystery book, short book, etc.”
“The book is reading now.”
“It’s happy for me.”
“My favorite song is called, Crazy Little Sing Cold Love.”
“But I can’t understand borderline in it rules.”
“I think nothing.”
“We don’t break school rules. But I break school rules.”
“I am book with you are book because I am book so.”
“It must be Destiny. Mr. Andoru, I love you. from a student."
From Dan's students:
One of the themes they had to write about was water conservation. The worksheet had a cartoon picture of a boy brushing his teeth while letting the faucet run, and one student wrote "This boy is wasting water. I'll kill him."
"Dear Jeff, please do not come to my house. I have 364 lions. So if you come to my house, you will be killed by lions. I will go to your house instead."
Look out Uncle Dirtae!