[Scene] My apartment. The doorbell rings. I run to it, but just before opening the door, it is flung open, enter The Quote of the Day.
Quote of the day: ‘Heeeerrrreeee’s Johnny!’ Jack Nicklson, The Shinning
Me: Hello! Where have you been?
Q: ‘Where haven’t I been? Woof!’ Lord Flashheart, Blackadder II
M: Well it is great to have you back. So are you going to be updating my blog now?
Q: ‘You had me at ‘Hello.’’ Renée Zellweger, Jerry McGwair.
M: Great… Pop culture quotes, huh? Don’t tell me you spent your whole vacation slacking off and watching TV? I wanted you doing research! People have a certain expectation of class here.
Q: ‘I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.’ Bill Cosby, Playboy Interview
M: Fine, fine, but people don’t go to Big Grumpy’s blog to get dribble. We have to maintain our hero status here.
Q: ‘Show me a hero and I will write you a tragedy.’ F. Scott Fitzgerald, Private Notes
M: Yeah! That’s the A game right there! But when did you become such a pessimist?
Q: ‘The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this to be true.’ James Branch Cabell
M: That one came from my sophomore year, November 18th, am I right?
Q: ‘Ha. Ha. Ha. You are correct sir!’ Ed McMahon, Johnny Carson's Tonight Show
M: We make a great team. It is so good to have you back buddy.
Q: Look… Um, I don’t know how to say this, so I am just going to say it. I mean all quoting aside and what not. You know I, well, I don’t really exist, right? You know you are just typing this to yourself, in your room, alone? I am just a rather extensive, if I do say so myself, archive of quotes which you are interacting with as if I was a real person, and not only a real person, but a real person that you have had a 5 year deep friendship with. You know all this right? You don’t actually think I am, you know, REAL? And at this very moment actually talking to you?
M: S-pshhh-yeah of course I know that. I… tahh… I mean duh? You are just an eclectic collection of quotes from philosophers, scientists, humorists, politicians, authors, critics, and people I happen to know. You are not like real. I am just doing this, you know… for ahhh … my ahhh… for my fans! I know that I am not talking to anyone right now. *cough cough* I am just typing a conversation that isn’t real… becasue I am alone... so horribly alone... This is so post modern, stupid 4th wall... What do you think about post modernism Quote of the Day
Q: I think you need a girlfriend.
M: I don’t need people as long as I have you Quote of the Day.
Q: Yeah… You need a girlfriend right now…
Fade to black