Andrew Magrath (biggrumpy) wrote,
Andrew Magrath

An Open Letter to Jupiter

Dear Jupiter,

I saw you got hit by a big chunk of space something or other in July. Bummer man. It never is nice to get hit, particularly when it leaves a big black mark about the diameter of Earth. You do have planet insurance, right? Well, anyway, I guess the whole getting hit by a comet is why I'm writing. I just wanted to say thanks.

Thanks for always being out there getting clocked by space junk. We're such a little tiny planet, and you are so big. Your electromagnetic field is the largest structure in the solar system and if you were just a little more massive you'd start to glow. You're so awesome like that. That's what makes you so damn cool, you are just out there, doing your thing - being all big. With that size comes a huge gravity well that just sucks up all that space junk. From one tiny fragile planet to a great big one, thank you so much for that. Without you who knows how many meteors and comets would have struck Earth by now -- would have reset evolution or ended the whole humanity thing Earth's got going right now. But you were always out there sucking up that junk, letting it hit you instead of us, never complaining or bemoaning your fate. You're a good biggest planet in the solar system.

We don't always appreciate you for you, we like your moons because a few of them might have life. So that's all we talk about. It's all, "Oh Europa or Callisto might have a sea!" and "Isn't Io hellish, we'd sure die quick there!" That's just our biocentrism talking. You know how life forms are, always thinking about life forms and life form stuff. But if we really give pause and stop thinking about our life related crap, we gotta admit, you're the man Jupiter. I'm glad you're the biggest planet in the solar system and not that punk Neptune. (Neptune what's his deal?) We love you J-Dawg. Keep up the great work.

-Andrew (Earth inhabitant)

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